Discovering My Anger

Happy zombie Jesus day, if you celebrate! Oh, and happy April Fools Day, if you’re a monster and also celebrate that. I can guarantee you there will be no April Fools surprise from me. My blog is centered around honesty, so that would be mean to lie to y’all. Also, I can honestly say I hate having a joke played on me and ya know do unto others yada yada yada.

Speaking of honesty, I have to let you all know… I am not feeling it today. For some reason I am feeling angry. I went whale watching yesterday and it was so magical, but when I got home I just felt mad. I can’t place it. I don’t know why I feel mad. I saw whales for crying out loud. The sun is out today. I have a full french press of coffee. I inhaled the six Reese’s eggs my mom sent me for Easter. I have gotten plenty of sleep and water and  exercise and episodes of Friends. I just don’t know what it could be.

Some people when they are angry, they find it the easiest time to write. I, however, am not some people. I don’t do anger well and frankly, I don’t do it often. Actually, in middle school I joined an anger management group because I felt like I didn’t get angry enough. I was worried there was something wrong with me. I felt sad, like all the time, but never angry. When I feel that other people are getting angry, I usually start to feel ill. My body physically rejects anger.

That’s why when I feel angry I don’t know what to do with it. The only thing that typically helps my anger is a run and I did that yesterday and I still felt like punching my pillow. I know that all emotions are necessary. I know that this anger is coming from some place. I know all of this and yet, I still try to hide from it. It’s like a never ending game of hide and seek. Eventually, it finds me and I run away again. See the strange part is that I embrace all other emotions. Me and sadness are BFF’s. A good cry is one of my favorite past times. Joy is excellent, obvi. I can’t wait to have laugh lines. Fear is one of my main motivators. What else would be pushing me to live all over the country. And disgust is just like part of who I am. “Oh my god, ew”. Ya know? But anger is so foreign to me.

Most days, I enjoy that. There is enough anger from everyone around me. All I have to do is go to my twitter feed to get my daily dose of hatred and I can usually call it a day. Not today though. It’s hanging around forcing me to look at it. I guess this post is the long winded way of me saying that today I am angry and instead of running from it, I am trying to embrace it. I am writing about it and talking about and trying to figure it out. Just how do I plan to do that, you ask. Excellent question. Well, step 1. is done. Write this post. This post, has taken a lot of energy, so I will probably need a reboot after this. Step 2. will include making a list of all the things that make me particularly angry. Step 3. Going through my conversations from the previous week and see if those triggered any of the things from my list. Step 4. Accept the fact that I feel angry by creating an angry playlist on iTunes and, of course, blaring said playlist. Step 5. Don’t let your anger keep you from enjoying the day by inviting friends over for dinner. Step 6. If you wake up angry, give that energy a big hug and appreciate the fact that you get to experience all these different emotions. Finally, if it comes to it I have created an additional step 7. for the most dire of cases. Throw darts at a picture of Nicholas Cage.

I hope you all have a glorious day and if you find yourself feeling angry feel free to adopt my list of steps for working through anger.

**These steps in no way guarantee the desired results. If anger lasts more than 7 days, please consult your physician. Side effects include: Hand cramping, sore throat, and self-discovery**