From WI to AK, With Love

Hello! I would like to start off by congratulating all of you for making it to 2018 because I know some of you had your doubts that 2017 would ever end. Look at us thriving here in the new year. Pat yourself on the back today, if for nothing else, but making it through another year. You go Glenn Coco.

This week I would like to address something that I have been asked about a lot and I think I am ready to process it all: What is the move to Craig, Alaska really like? And I must say when moving here, there was not a whole lot of information on the subject, so maybe this will help someone out in the future.

First of all, I want to say that my move is unique to my own situation and I have heard some horror stories about moving here and I have heard of some really lovely alternative ways to get here, so please keep this in mind. Moving here for me was probably a bit simpler because A: I am as single as a single person can be. Meaning, I have no pets, no children, no plants. The only thing I had to keep alive was me. That makes moving a whole heck of a lot easier. B: I was moving out of my parents house, where virtually nothing belonged to me. Therefore, I didn’t have to travel with furniture. These two things are crucial to my story.

Now, with all that being said… I also want to point out that I am a planner. I am impulsive, yes, but an impulsive planner. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but I swear it makes sense to me and to everyone that knows me. When it came to my move to Alaska, I had hotels booked, my route mapped out, and my schedule on point. Now, the thing about being an impulsive planner is that the plan often goes to shit, because I am typically planning like 4 hours before I have to leave. Oddly enough, it worked this time.

If I had to recommend one thing to people moving here, it is that the less you own the better. Especially if you are moving from a place where you have to drive more than 3 hours to the ferry. PURGE EARLY AND PURGE OFTEN. Of course, this is just my motto for any move, but most important for a move where you have to take multiple modes of transportation. Moving to an island is a whole new ball game, my friends. Let me just lay this out for you.

As most moves go, there is a lot to do before you even leave. For instance, finding a place to live. Now, typically this is a bit easier with sites like apartmentfinder.com, but that does not exist on the island of Prince of Wales. Apartment finding is done by WOM aka word of mouth aka my high school advertising professor’s favorite word. WOM is really hard when you don’t live in the place to even speak to anyone. Luckily the place that hired me was all over it. They sent me some options and low and behold I am in one of my favorite apartments I have ever rented. Now, this sounds like it was a nice simple choice for me, but if you ask my family and friends I struggled for a way too long before I chose this place. See, the other thing about Prince of Wales is that because it is a tourist area there are actually a lot of places that are furnished. The idea of furnished apartment scared the shit out of me. I don’t know why, but it really did. Like what if I hate the furniture? Except, it was the greatest decision I had ever made. How the hell I thought I was going to get furniture to this island is beyond me. That was definitely my pre-move struggle. Now, I highly recommend furnished apartments to everyone. It makes moving so, so much easier. Once that was settled, I was on my way to a new life.

I started my journey with a 16 hour drive from Grafton, WI to Miles City, MO. At 2am I woke up wide-eyed and bushy-tailed for my journey to my new home. The car was pre-loaded the evening prior thanks to my fam. Of course, copious amounts of coffee and Swedish fish were in tow as well. Which reminds me, if you are moving to an island in Alaska, I beg of you to actually just forget everything you own and stack your car with dry goods and toiletries. A BOX OF CEREAL IS $7. This is important, v. important. I, however, felt stupid sentimental ties to things like my clothes and pictures of my loved ones, like a goddamn idiot. I was a fool. Obvi, I am slightly joking, but really I wish I would have brought like 10x’s the amount of dangerously cheap things from Wisconsin. Mistakes were made, and now I am literally paying for it. I digress, my drive to Montana was oddly okay. I hit one traffic jam in Minnesota and then it was smooth sailing from there. So, to recap day one was Wisco, to Minnesota, to North Dakota, to Montana. I am getting tired just writing it. My other piece of advice is to bring a buddy. I traveled alone and when I saw cool things, I only had my Swedish fish to tell. They appreciated it though, I could tell from their smiles. As day 1 came to a close, I feasted on McDonalds, as one traveling does, and then went swimming. Another important piece of advice! Always pick a hotel with a pool. I felt like a new woman after that swim.

I planned my trip with the notion that each day I would lose more and more energy, so I made day 1 the longest trip with day 2 shortening to a 10 hour drive and day 3 to a 6 hour drive. Bless my smart little heart because that was the best darn planning I have ever done. Day 2 and 3 now feel like a blur. There was Montana to Idaho to Washington. I remember driving through some mountains and seeing some bison. I also remember more swimming, but that is about it. My head was just racing because I knew the next leg of the trip involved a ferry. And not just any old ferry, but a three day ferry from Bellingham, WA to Ketchikan, AK. Yes, you read that correctly. This three day ferry didn’t even bring me to my final destination. To my surprise though, the ferry was SO cool though. I just drove my car onto the boat and didn’t really have to worry about much else for three days. I will say that there is zero reception on this ferry, so pre-downloading episodes on Netflix will save a life. Pass it on.

After arriving to Ketchikan, I then had to take another ferry! Luckily, this one was only three hours. Unfortunately, I arrived at 7am and my next ferry didn’t leave until 2pm. So, I did what any sane person would do… I shopped at Wal-Mart for several hours and bought shit I definitely didn’t need out of pure boredom and exhaustion. Then I finally got onto my next ferry, which seemed surprisingly fast and made it the island! Now, at this point it is pitch black on an island I am not familiar with and it is raining. I thought my guts were going to fall out of my butt. That was when it truly hit me… I moved to fucking Alaska. That’s right, my move did not hit me until I was actually off the ferry. Everything before that felt like some odd vacation I was taking alone.

Now that I have been here for a whole month, that whole journey seems like a distant dream. Adjusting to life in Craig has been fairly easy. Don’t get me wrong, I have cried and questioned my impulsive decision at times, but not nearly as much as I anticipated. Maybe it is the island pace or the kind souls I work with or the fact that the view out of my window looks like a landscape artist drew it? Whatever the reason, I am grateful for it.

Onto the real dirt though because I know y’all just want to know about what I hate about being here. I hate the time difference because calling people is a scheduling nightmare. My east coast friends are a 4 hour difference and with my work schedule it doesn’t leave much room to chat. The vegetarian imitation meats are sub-par, but I was spoiled in NYC. I could order vegetarian chicken from pretty much anywhere and expect it to be good. It rains a lot here, which some people might hate, but I actually quite enjoy. There are also like a very limited amount of restaurants, and by that I mean like two pizza places and a diner. For that, however, I am grateful. I’m pretty sure half of my student loans went to GrubHub in NYC. I also am still terrified of the potential to run into bears regardless of what everyone keeps telling me. Finally, I hate living alone. I know I am freak, but I like having a roommate. I like someone to be all up in my business.

So, there you have it! My journey to and my life in Craig. Of course, it has only been a month and I am sure many more discoveries about the island are to come. I’ve barely begun to explore this beautiful place I currently call home. If you would like to follow this journey further find me on insta: sarahlorrainerobinson Now that I think about it, it’s like a picture book version of my blog. Excellent.

An apology to my younger self

So, I have officially been in Alaska for two weeks and I don’t think it has even hit me yet that this is my home now. When I say the word “home” it brings up many mixed emotions, for a lot of different reasons. My childhood had its ups and downs, as I’m sure most of ours did. (And by childhood, I mean 0-21… I was a late bloomer.)

When I was pondering what I was going to write about this week, I started thinking about that world that I lived in. For those of you that didn’t know me from 0-21, I have many people in my life that will fill you in on my less-than-understanding personality. Now, I know I am the person I am today because of the person I was and I can’t have one without the other. Fine, whatever universe. I get it. Namaste.

Actually though, I hate the word regret because I know that it’s not helpful to dwell on our past mistakes and forget to live in the present. Totally ripped that off from Dumbledore, but my yeezy what an inspiring wizard.

Though, if I had to pick a fav Dumbledore quote it would be: “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” This is why I blog [and also because I’m super basic & proud of it]. Writing is my journey to healing. I am harder on myself than anyone ever has been or will be. But I want to move on from the pain I have had.

Therefore, this week I will be writing an apology letter to my younger self, so I can write it down, let it go, and move forward:

Dear little Rah,

I use the word little because I know it would mean something to you… because you spend your free time feeling big. I want to apologize for this. I’m sorry I used you’re brain and energy on something that shouldn’t have gotten in your way. I’m currently writing a blog about me and I promised not to talk about the eating disorder, but I needed to briefly mention it to you because you took the brunt of the struggle. I will leave it at that. I am sorry.

I am sorry that you spent your time angry at your family. You wanted so badly to be the families you knew at school. The ones that appeared to have lots of money and pretty things and not as many people. The homes with brand new furniture, a stay at home parent, and the perfect little life. FYI, Hannah Montana was right: “nobody’s perfect, you live and you learn it.” I’m sorry that I didn’t see the energy your family put into making you feel like those kids. All the money they spent on trying to make you feel like you fit in, with dance and cheerleading and trips with school. If I knew how bad they worked, I would have known how loved you were. You would be nowhere without them. Also, you have no idea how much you learned about being thrifty. It is a great life skill.

That includes your sisters, who you continuously pushed away. All they did was love you, and all I did was dream of a life away from everyone. Let me tell you, I caught the travel bug and I did leave, but I also call them all the time because I spend a lot of days missing them. I realized how great everyone in the family is, and luckily not too late. Would you believe it, they are your best friends. #blessed I’m sorry I didn’t let you see that sooner.

I’m sorry that you didn’t understand that boys actually suck and you were better off alone. EVEN MORE SORRY that you didn’t grasp just how amazing being single can be. If only I knew then what I knew now about being a woman, with her own brain and her own destination. You might be disappointed to hear that I am still single, but please don’t be. It’s actually great. I move around a lot and have met some really wonderful people. I know one day I will cross paths with someone who will fit right into my adventures. I really got into poetry and I repeat this poem from Rupi Kaur often:

i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire

I’m no longer looking for my other half because I am already full, I’m looking for someone else who is also full of life. I want to set the world on fire. Which reminds me… I am so sorry that I ever let you like that boy. So, so sorry about that. My bad. He ended up being a real POS, so no worries that he didn’t love you back in the way I wanted him to.

I’m sorry that you spent your nights laying awake with the lights on and the music loud. This was, biologically, stupid. You’re body needs, like, legitimate rest and your mom was so right when she said you shouldn’t sleep like that. She also told you not to sleep in jeans and a bra, but you had to because were ready to run at any moment.

And when I say you were ready to run, it’s not a reference to the Dixie Chicks or hating your life, but rather our extreme anxiety of murderers and ghosts. Yeah, super sorry about that. Not murdered in 27 years, so I was totally wrong.

Speaking of being wrong, I’m sorry that I encouraged you to constantly judge your friends. They were going through shit too and I wouldn’t let you be there for them like you wanted to be. The good news though is that they all still loved you. And yes, they are all still in my life. I’m pretty freaking lucky.

I’m mostly sorry that I can’t meet you now and show you everything I’ve become regardless of the pessimism from 0-21.

Also important to note that I’m not sorry at all that I wanted you to see the world. I’ve seen a lot and will see more. The travel bug never left.

Finally, I’m really not sorry that your heart was always big, no matter what I was telling you in your head.

Love always,

Big rah

A Fresh Start

Guess who’s back with a brand new blog, she got everybody on the internet going mad? It’s me, you guessed right. For those of you familiar with my writing, I enjoy being dorky and it’s not going away #sorrynotsorry. Oh, I also enjoy all things pop culture and that will be here to stay too. However, I have switched blogging venues and content for two very important reasons:

  1. Tumblr reminds me of high school and I hated high school.
  2. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WEIGHT/FOOD ANYMORE.

See, here is the thing… while talking about my weight loss journey was helpful at times, it also became obsessive. Go figure, when your diagnosed with an eating disorder obsessive is your middle name. “Hi, I’m Sarah Obsessive Robinson. I constantly talk about, think about, dream about, and cry about food. Will you marry me?” Sounds like a great Tinder bio, don’t you think? (This may be the reason I am single…) I digress. I’ve decided that part of my recovery from binge eating disorder MUST involve making time for things that do not involve what I am eating this week. Instead, I would like to take time each week to focus on other important things to me like my new move to Alaska, why Kesha is my hero, the #Metoo campaign, and what color nail polish I’m really into this week. Okay, maybe not a whole blog on what color nail polish I’m into, but I will say matte top coat is my new favorite thing.

I am currently writing this post on the ferry to Alaska where I will begin my journey as a real life social worker. I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ADULT. 4 days ago I packed up my car, appropriately named Amelia Rodham Robinson, and hit the road for Washington, where I caught the ferry to Alaska. Let me tell you, I’ve met some pretty cool people along the way. Including, but not limited to, a woman named Sarah Lee, who swears she is a terrible baker, a little boy that hopes he see’s the pigeon he was feeding again because he is going to bring him a dessert, and a guy that moved from California to Washington, quit his job of 10 years on a whim and went fishing in Alaska and now hopes to open a gym. This trip has reminded me that people are spectacular and resilient. Hell, it reminded me that I am also those things. Since I have had so much alone time, I’ve gotten the chance to really get to know myself. Things I like about me, things I don’t, things I regret, things I miss, and things I can’t wait for.

Aside from pondering my life, I also had the chance to scream music at the top of my lungs for an extended period of time. Most played: Hamilton Soundtrack.

‘Look at where you are,

Look at where you started from,

The fact that you’re alive is a miracle.’

These lines swirl inside my head over & over again.

If I can stay alive, that would be enough.

And to me staying alive doesn’t mean my pulse is beating and my lungs are breathing. To me, staying alive is feeling alive. As someone who lives with an ebb and flow of depression, sometimes feeling alive is watching 12 hours of “Are you the one?” on MTV and drinking a bottle of red wine. Sometimes, it means that I travel halfway across the country to follow of my dreams of being a social worker. And of course, there is everything in between. The most glorious part is that I know what I need to be alive.

So, this blog is about me, a 27-year-old single (get at me), white girl, recovering binge-eater, social worker, intersectional feminist, pescatarian, Sagittarian, ocean lover just trying to make it in the world as best as I know how. I know, just what the world needed, right? Probably not, but that doesn’t really matter to me. This blog is my place of worship… this & goodwill. Therefore, I would like to end this first post with a prayer:

Dear Female Yeezy,

Thank you for this life.

Awomen.

PS. I hope to keep this blog much more mixed with content, so any suggestions, requests, or tips are greatly appreciated.

PPS. You can be critical, but also be nice, because I’m super sensitive. As my dad would say (well actually Wayne Dyer because he is #obsessed) “if you have the option of being right or being kind, choose kind.”